It’s the economy. The political cliché often invoked by candidates during campaign season can also apply to the everyday lives of Westchester families navigating friendships and playdates in the county’s – and the world’s – increasingly diverse communities.
While the economic poles in the U.S. continue to pull farther apart, Westchester County, like many areas of the country, is home to several cities and towns whose populations reflect a mélange of cultures, ethnicities, religions and financial profiles. As globalization continues its march, learning to live peacefully in heterogeneous communities is an implicit goal of many families. But how much thought do Westchester families give to the idea of reaching across an increasingly glaring obstacle: the economic line?
A quick look at statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau offers important data about the economic status of Westchester’s various residents. In 2013, 44.8 percent of county residents held a bachelor’s degree or higher, compared to 32.8 percent statewide. The homeownership rate in Westchester versus the state was 62.1 percent to 54.5, and the county’s median household income between 2008 and 2012 was $81,093, compared to New York State’s $57,683. The poverty rate for those same years was 9.3 percent in Westchester and 14.9 percent across the state. And according to the Westchester County Community Health Assessment report of vital statistics published by the Westchester County Department of Health, in 2010, 42 percent of infants born to Westchester County residents were born to women who had Medicaid or Family Health Plus as their primary insurance.
So the data clearly shows a tale of two (or more) counties. How then can families maneuver and even scale such barriers, and help their children nurture cross-class relationships while instilling tolerance and respect for people from different financial backgrounds?
Leading by Example
Dierdra Clark, a Westchester mom of five children ages 6 to 24, offers a distinct perspective on the subject. Having worked as a missionary in South Africa with her husband and family, she says most Americans’ view of relative wealth is skewed. “The people and friends [my children] got to know who lived in abject poverty (no running water, no bathrooms in homes) now informs their young eyes on ‘haves’ and ‘have-nots,’” she says. “For them, everyone in New Rochelle they meet ‘has.’ On the same token, they have eyes and can see that mom and dad have chosen to live in a relatively large and pretty home in New Rochelle. So … we talk to them about the importance of what is inside your home regardless of what a home looks like: family.”
And while parents may be well aware of consumerist culture in television, movies, magazines, music and online, and its constant drive to obtain more things, it can be difficult to recognize children’s attitudes about money and materialism,especially when it can appear that every kid in second grade has her eyes trained on the newest expensive gadget or device.
Parenting experts say many of the ways families can instill respect among class groups are the same techniques for teaching racial tolerance, raising charitable children and teaching about the dangers of bullying and other forms of harassment. Scholastic.com cites cooperation, compromise, sharing and compassion as the learning benefits of tolerance. Instilling empathy, compassion, open-mindedness, and inclusiveness – and also checking our own thoughts about materialism, money and status – can go a long way toward helping children learn to embrace others who may have more or fewer possessions, bigger or smaller homes.
Making the Connection
An October 2014 New York Times op-ed, “Crossing Class Lines,” concluded that while interactions across economic strata are difficult, there are ways to engage people from different backgrounds, stressing that it takes willingness from both sides of the coin (no pun intended). The article’s authors, organizational behavior and psychology professors, found through analysis based on a series of studies that unless people consciously choose to pursue friendships across class lines they are unlikely to occur naturally, keeping people stratified by financial status and making it more difficult for lower classes to move into the middle and upper classes.
Gray says her family is among those actively cultivating these diverse friendships. “…Yes, my girls do have friends from all economic backgrounds. And because of what they have seen, I am sure they do discern economic differences. My husband and I have tried hard to teach them that economic differences make no difference in whom they choose as friends.”
Michele H. Jorge, TSHH, SEIT, an educator in Westchester, says that while she sees friendships occur among students of different socioeconomic groups, she also says bullying happens as a result of children not feeling included. “The more exposed [to others] and the less reference made to differences the better,” she says. Jorge says she teaches tolerance and uses a tool called “peace time” to help students share their feelings in a safe space. “We also discuss possible ways to handle [conflict] in the future,” she adds.
Additionally, raising children to be generous and to be charitable givers can make them more kind to other children who may have less, and can foster an understanding of the value of money and how to manage it, according to Susan Bartell, Ph.D., a child psychologist, consultant and author based in suburban New York, who writes frequently on childhood and parenting issues at drsusanbartell.com.
Starting the Conversation
These tips and resources can help parents engage in discussions with children about tolerance, empathy and diversity of many types. While there isn’t a children’s literature category about economic diversity, many other books with broader themes of inclusion can still get the message across.
Books for Children
- Rhino and Raspberries: Tolerance Tales for the Early Grades, by Lois Lowry, Southern Poverty Law Centre, 2006.
- Whoever You Are, (Reading Rainbow Books series) by Mem Fox, HMH Books for Young Readers, 2006. Stand in My Shoes: Kids Learning About Empathy, by Bob Sornson, Ph.D., Love and Logic Press, 2013.
- The Sneetches and Other Stories, by Dr. Seuss, Random House Books for Young Readers, 2013.
- It’s Okay to Be Different, by Todd Parr, Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, 2009.
Tips for Parents
- Model tolerance and compassion
- Provide useful information
- Avoid stereotyping individuals or groups
- Stop any type of harassment or bullying immediately
- Explore children’s fears Find more tips and resources for parents and teachers at the website for the National Association of School Psychologists, nasponline.org.
