For most people, Thanksgiving is all about the turkey, caloric yummy sides and family togetherness. My family is all about that too, but our feasting frenzy starts way before. Whenever our family gathers, we usually do it around the table of my parents’ favorite Chinese restaurant.
We catch up over egg drop soup. We laugh over chicken chow mein. We bond over shrimp fried rice. But the highlight of the evening is at the end when the plate of fortune cookies is brought to the table along with the bill. It is not because we love these tiny nuggets of insight that taste like cardboard. No, our family awaits these treasures because we play a little game with them. Whoever has the best, most realistic fortune gets the bill.
My vast fortune cookie experiences have made me conclude that there are basically three types of “fortunes” in the standard restaurant cookie.
Fifty percent of the fortunes are just plain senseless. These are my favorite, because not only are they funny to read, it means the check is passed on to the next person.
Forty-nine percent of the fortunes are general enough that they can apply to anyone’s life, with some tweaking of course. These pearls of wisdom not only predict your life outcome, they put you in the running for paying the check.
But the fortune in one percent of the cookies is so unnervingly right-on-the-mark it’s scary. If you find one of these gems, well you better have your wallet with you, or be prepared to wash some dishes.
By my calculations, everyone has a 50/50 chance of paying the bill. Recently we were on vacation visiting my parents and I decided to play the odds and I left my purse at home. We had just finished a great meal filled with the usual familiar banter and teasing that comes whenever we all get together. The waiter brought us our doggy bags along with a handful of cookies. We all giggled as he hopped back in shock when our crazy family lurched forward at the same time all in an effort to get the cookie of their choice. Cookies in hand, the game began.
My son went first, his fortune read, “An empty wagon makes the most noise.” I am sure there was some profound message there but we all voted that it fell into the senseless category and the check on the tray was pushed to the right.
Grace, my 9-year-old, went next. She carefully opened up her cookie and read her fortune out loud. “Everyone smiles in the same language.” Then she sweetly added, “And a smile doesn’t cost anything either but means so much!” She pasted on a grin and passed the check to the next person.
My mother went next and almost choked as she read it to herself. She tried to hide it but my father quickly grabbed it away. Her fortune said, “You should not overspend. Frugality is important!” The check stayed put!
Feeling cocky, Dad opened his cookie. He chuckled as he took the check from my mother. His said, “You are loyal to your family.”
When my husband opened his fortune it was so dead-on it made me laugh so hard that I literally fell right off my chair! The bizarre fortune read, “Put me down and run to the gym!”
But if you think that was good, once I settled back in my chair and regained my composure I read mine, “You will fall hard, but land softly!”
Yes, a little extra padding had softened my fall. Guess who got the check? Clue: I have dishpan hands!
Sharon Fuentes is a writer, mom and frequent contributor to Westchester Family.
